Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
