I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Less talking, more tequila
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
