It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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