ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize