I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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