I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
