so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
