That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
