Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
