Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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