that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize