My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize