We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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