I heard we made out
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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