I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
