I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
