Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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