if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
