pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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