Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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