You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
