i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Green mimosas i think yes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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