I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
