I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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