it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
