is your mom at the bar?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had to cum in my sink.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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