Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
