We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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