He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
