the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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