I've blown a few things in my day
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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