There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I look better un-naked...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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