i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
