god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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