Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize