i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
