We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
