Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drunk is not a location!
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