Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
