I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
