He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
