Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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