so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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