I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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