i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
