if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
