I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
