Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
