I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
