spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
