Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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