she looked like the before picture.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
