you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
