Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
