I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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