maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
