i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
