Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
