Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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