dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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