Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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