Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
