i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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