So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was confusing and full of hummus
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Even my vagina gasped.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
