Already got asked if we're dating
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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