I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
