I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
