I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
