I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize